Saturday, 11 October 2008

The Happening

I just watched the M. Night Shyamalan film "The Happening."

I'm sorry M, I've been fairly happy with all your other films, but on this one I have one thing to say to you:

I want my 91 minutes back.

Now, I'm a self-professed crappy disaster film fanatic. Especially the ones where mother nature opens up a can of whip ass and destroys all that mankind holds dear.

For instance, take "The Core" (which - and I dont care what kind of flack I will get from this - is one of my favourite crappy disaster films all of the history of time. It could have only have been made more awesome if Jimmy Stewart was in it.....anywhere)

Now theres a disaster film. I mean there are at least 10 major landmarks across the world that get royally twatted. And with at best slightly believeable FX that lead to at least one moment of the viewer going "tee heee heeeeee".

But "The Happening"??

The storyline starts off being marginally palatable, especially if you have seen any of Shyamalan's other films. All the way through you are waiting for that twist. You know, like where Bruce Willis is really dead in "The Sixth Sense", or in "Unbreakable" at that moment that you, along with the hero, David Dunn, discover that those horrible disasters where all the work of Elijah. Or in "Signs" when you finally see that Graham's dying wife's last words were actually prophetic instructions on how to survive the alien attack.

But "The Happening" totally fails in all attempts at plot twists. The late reference to the timing of "the event" might make one think that the whole thing was just about finally getting Marky Mark and his funky bunch (Zooey Deschanel and the cute kid that's taging along) to realise that they need to be together and love each other whole heartedly. But then the final scenes destroy that by seeing the whole process start again in french.

So what the hell was this movie about?!?! Yes, we know we're fucking up the planet. We know you have insinuated that the plants are going to kill us all because we're threatening them. We know that there are problems between the main characters. But holy hell make me feel something about all of it at the end!!! I mean 91 minutes of Mark Whalberg's acting has to be worth some little adrenalin jolt doesnt it??? Maybe at least make my eyelid twitch or something with the blood and guts.

But nope.

For me the best thing about this whole thing was the giggle I got every time Mark Whalberg spoke and I was reminded of this:

LOL. "Hey chicken, how's it hanging? Lot of people wanna eat you but I just wanna talk to you okay?"

Anyway enough of me bitching about it. I watched it with the kitten, lets see if she has her own review:

I think we'll call that case closed.

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