Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Dear Grumpy Man

Dear Grumpy-Man-At-The-Supermarket-Who-Ran-Into-Me-Then-Told-Me-Off-For-'Not-Looking-Where-I-Was-Going':

I get that you're grumpy, I really do. Hell I am most of the time too. Especially when I have to be around other people who are grumpy and rude.  But when you blame me for something I didn't do, I am going to get revenge.

My revenge was not the moment when I laughed at your little outburst, instead of getting all frightened by you, like you obviously wanted me to do.

My revenge was not even when I went out of my way to make sure I beat you to the checkout line with my basket of 'many things', while you stood and huffed and sighed loudly behind me with your simple 'two things'.

It wasn't even when I ever so slowly unpacked my things onto the conveyor belt, all under your grumpy watchful eye.

No, my revenge was when I turned to you, smiled politely and asked if you would like to go through the checkout ahead of me.

The look of shame and utter self-loathing you had on your face at that moment was bliss. Your mumbled thanks and abashed apology as you shuffled past me like a chastised schoolboy made the whole experience worthwhile.

Now, fuck off and be a grump somewhere else, or I'll be nice to you again and I'm not sure your tiny, grumpy little pea-brain would be able to deal with that. Arsehat.

Your new pal

Lee Lee